So close!

All the knitting is complete for the mitered baby blanket. The squares are all seamed together. Let me tell you it took hooouuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrs. I love mattress stitch but I had a time getting all the stripes to match just so. I may have said some very naughty words a time or ten... Then came the sewing of the large squares together. More cursing occurred and it drove me to drink. All it took was a few vodka tonics and I was finished!

All the ends have been woven in. Yes, I weave in the ends even though I am backing it. I always stress about my hand knit gifts coming apart. It survived a trip through the washer and is now in the dryer.
The cotton backing has even been washed and dried and is ready for some action!
I just had to have this print when I saw it.
As soon as the knit portion is out of the dryer I have to attach the lining and sew on the satin border. I imagine that will take up a huge chunk of my day. So far it looks as if this may get finished right on time.

pardon the absence

I've been slummin' with Knit's easy sister-Crochet. Why crochet? Well, after trying to mattress stitch my mitered squares, I realized that I would not enjoy stitching so many squares together and neither baby blanket project would ever be finished. Also, there was way too much worry and tears knitted into those blankies. And then this star shaped afghan called to me from craftster.

"mmmmaaaaaaake meeeeeeee"
but I can't follow crochet instructions
"that's why you have internet"
but I have already started these others
"look at me. no picking up stitches or binding off. I'm fast and easy. you know you want to."
yes. come to me crochet.

It took a few rounds and a couple (or six) start overs before I realized that all this time (since I learned when I was 11) what I thought was the first stitch is actually the second stitch. Armed with this all important tidbit of crochet know-how I was 'cookin' with gas' as my Grandma would say! I love this pattern. I am frogging the four squares I knit for the babette log cabin babies as I crochet- I still plan on using most of the colors (there were a few that just won't do. This is so fast and easy! There is joy crocheted into this baby's blanket! My pregnant friend's condition has been totally cured thanks to her operation and she is on her way home! WOO-HOO! I hope she likes the blankets as much as I do. Here is three days worth of crochet. love.

I have only been allowing myself to knit mitered squares for the baby blanket on the sidebar (are you laughing as hard as I am at 48!! mitered squares). After mattress stitching the first 4 square group I made the executive decision that this blanket will have 4 large squares (16 mitered squares- not quite as an insane goal) and a border picked up around the edges until I run out of yarn. I have two squares left to knit. Then blocking/sewing together. Then blocking/picking up stitches and knitting border. then blocking once more-you know for fun. After seaming the first two squares without blocking and seaming the third square after blocking-I highly suggest blocking. It just makes life so.much.easier.

The baby shower is this Saturday.

If I can just put down that damn crochet hook maybe I will finish.

Did I forget to mention I also plan on lining the back of the blanket so the wrong side is pretty?

Have a lovely week!

Blessings

I just talked to my pregnant friend (mentioned here and here and here if you are interested in the back story) and she was able to have the fetoscopic laser photo coagulation performed to separate the twins blood supply. She is not out of the woods so to speak, but this is very, very good news and she is so relieved. So far everything looks good and the twins seem to be fine. She has named the little ones Michah and Robert. Also she honored me in the most sincere way possible by asking me to be their Godmother! These kiddos are going to be smothered in knitted goodness. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers- apparently God has been listening.

I have also been overwhelmed by the response from fellow Craftsters to Lemonade. I feel so much better about not getting selected to be published. The sting of denial is gone. I know I will try again to be published but will submit to Knitty next time as I kinda felt misled by Magknits. I say misled because I actually received an email from the Magknits editor stating that my pattern would be included in the July issue... fuck it- their loss...

Big Thanks!

I just wanted to thank each and every one of you that offered such encouraging words about my design. One thing I hate about blogger is that there is no email link to the people that leave comments so I can't personally thank y'all. Just know each and every comment really means a lot to me and I feel so much better. As for publishing the pattern myself, I just may offer it for free, but since it was denied, I can't get it out of my head that there is something terribly wrong with it.

Also, thanks for the compliments on my lace nightie mods. Y'all are really too sweet!

can I cry over spilled Lemonade?

So way back a few months ago I submitted a design to be published in MagKnits. I was under the impression that the design would be published in the July issue, but I was sadly mistaken. The only thing I can figure is that my pattern writing skills are not what they should be. I really am disappointed. I personally liked my design (I bet that is what all the denied designers say), but understand that is the way things go.... will I try again? Perhaps, but I am not exactly know for working really hard at things I am not initally sucessful. Anyway, here are a few pics of Lemonade, modeled by The Girl Wonder (we are the same size).

Pattern: Lemonade (my own)

Yarn: Filatura di Crosa Elena (100% mercerized Mako Egyptian Cotton; 99yds [90 m]/50g) 9 balls. This yarn is discontinued.

Needles:US E/4 crochet hook for provisional cast on.
US 3 needles
US 3 circular 32inch

Interweave Knits Lace Nightie-modified

You can't go wrong with cashmere! After I bound off the back stitches I decided to slip this on to see how it was going to fit. I realized there was no way this was going to fit over my hips like a nightie should. I also realized there was no way I was going to frog and reknit it in a larger size. So I decided it would make a very cute tank. I really did not take note of my mods but if I remember correctly I added an extra pattern repeat before the waist shaping. I also added a few more waist decreases. I am thinking there is a problem with the measurement in the schematic, because there is no way with a gauge of 6 sts per inch that you can decrease 8 sts and lose 3.75 inches...so beware if you are planning to knit this. On the Upper Back and Front portion I put the pattern aside, instead of following the pattern I BO 1 at the beginning of each row until I had 68 sts on the needle then BO all sts. As soon as I read the pattern I knew there was no way in hell I was knitting all that i-cord for the straps. Instead I bought some lace and backed it with satin ribbon then sewed them on making sure to place them where they would cover my bra straps.
All the pictures were taken by The Boy Wonder- against his will...

Pattern: Interweave Knits Lace Nightie

Size: Small (29")

Yarn: 4 ply cashmere from PlumKnits, 2 skeins, 200 yds per skein. I did have a little egg sized ball of yarn leftover.

Needles: US5 circs

Add this to my list of favorite knits! The pattern was easy to follow and the cashmere was a dream to knit with.

summer knitting is slow knitting

Now that it is officially summer my knitting motivation has decided to go on vacation. I guess all knitters go through it, but I feel disconnected and do not know what to do with myself. I sit down to knit, maybe finish a few rows then get distracted. At a snail's pace I have finished the first 12" square for each of The Super Twins blankets. Their Mom ended up not being able to have the procedure I mentioned in my last post due to her placenta being in the wrong position. Unless the placenta shifts by her next visit to Philly she will more than likely have to end the life of one twin to save the other or risk losing them both. So still I knit as there is nothing else I can do. I mean what can I possibly say to make her feel better or to make her decision easier? Not a damn thing. I also finally finished the Interweave lace nightie today. I made quite a few mods to it, but I will talk about those tomorrow after it is finished blocking and I can take some pictures.

I am participating in a Roving Swap over at Craftster.org and received 100% cotton roving. I can not for the life of me spin it...it kinda feels like I am trying to spin dryer lint. I am the type of person that prefers to be good at something or not do it at all and I am not good at spinning this cotton. So anyone have any tips?

FO where art thou?

All my projects seem to just languish on the needles these days. I still knit everyday, but it seems as if nothing is really getting finished. Last week I dyed some corridale roving and spun it. I used old egg dye tablets and although the colors did turn out nice they were not at all what I had in mind. One of the blue tablets I used seems to have broken down into blue and purple which I thought was odd. All told I ended up with 146 yds, singles.
I also started Babette for the Super Twins and promptly realized that I suck at crochet and I do not understand the written instructions for crochet. I then realized that I could do a little log cabin action and knit a version of Babette instead. Here is the beginnings of the first square....
So far it is 10" so I have quite a few more rounds until this one is the 12" it needs to be. Update on the Super Twins-20 weeks gestation...their Mom (my best friend since 7th grade) has to travel to Philly (from NC) on Monday to have fetoscopic laser photo coagulation performed to separate the twins blood supply (an overall survival of 67 percent can be anticipated with 80 percent of pregnancies having at least one survivor.) She is freaked out since she has never been in the hospital and the lives and health of one or both of her twins are at stake. If this does not work there is nothing else that can be done. Please, please, please remember her in your prayers especially on Tuesday when she will be in surgery. I just feel sick about the entire situation. I do not know what to say when I talk to her...so I listen and knit and hold back the tears until we are off the phone, then I totally lose it. It is just so fucking unfair- she has had more than her fair share of heartache and disappointment throughout her life. I just hope she is strong enough to get through this.

unexpected motivation

When I first logged on to Ravelry I was really expecting to spend hours just looking around, drooling all over what others have made.

Then I realized...

• the real fun was in entering my own projects and see who was making the same things.
• it was frustrating to see someone mention a project but not have a picture of it.
• I should upload some photos of my own before I started getting all uppity about someone else.
• I would actually have to take the time to learn how to use my Flick'r account.
• the hours of my "free time" I am going to lose to Flick'r.

I did not think that Ravelry would inspire me to clean up my blog appearance and knowledge. I have learned so much in the past few days, like

• how to blog from Flick'r (that is where the cute baby in the hat post came from).
• how to change my blog header the quick and easy way (I managed to do it the hard way last time).
• how to put a Flick'r box in my sidebar.
• what the hell a feed was and why I need ways to subscribe.
• I am not as smart as I thought I was.

Next up is tagging...

• my past blog posts
• my Flick'r photos
• my Ravelry projects

I ordered yarn to start the babette twin blankets in the following colors: Black, Truffle, Coast Grey, Sand Dune, Sunshine, Aloe, Dublin, Jade, Baby Blue, Capri, Deep Ocean, Dark Navy, Copper, Light Coral, Red Pepper and Fired Brick.

pinkkibluebell1

pinkkibluebell1
Originally uploaded by villapallo

This is the cutest baby hat ever!

Ravelry....mmm-mmm good

Oh joy and happiness! I finally got an invite to Ravelry and I must say it is as good as everyone says! I predict many of my spare hours (and quite a few hours that I should be doing little things like cooking and cleaning) will be spent on that site. I am trying to decide if I want to log all my past projects or just start from where I am now. Decisions. Decisions.

Look for me on there as AuntieAmanda.

speechless

My friend that is expecting twins found out she is having identical boys.
They have Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome.
She is about 18 weeks along and is understandably freaked out.

I have been thinking about what kind of not so matchy, blankets that match when I saw this.
It is perfect, Baby babettes. The crochet will be quick and painless-it's the seaming that is going to get me. But it is cleverly constructed so it should be interesting. Now for the math and the yarn search to transform it into a baby version.

As for Fish a Day in May, I actually managed to knit a fish a day, every day for thirty one days.

Long time, no see!

I have been a very lazy blogger lately, but I have been knitting and spinning! I finished the first skein of the lace nightie for the KAL and it has sat on the needles for days because I was dreading winding the second skein of cashmere after I made such a mess of the first one. Last night I got the bright idea to make a swift out of Knex. I saw one on Craftster, but it was way more complicated than I thought I could make. This little baby worked like a charm! The Boy Wonder even told me I could keep all the Knex I used for it, which I thought was pretty sweet of him considering how much he enjoys playing with them.

Here are the two yarns I spun these past few weeks.... The first is 146 yds of wool (both were bonus fibers with other purchases so I do not know the type) Brown and black plied.

Here is another food color dyed roving... I was surprised how it spun up and very happy with the end results (102 yds)! The Girl Wonder and I each dyed roving and then she wanted me to teach her how to spin on the spinning wheel. She was very frustrated to start, but with a bit of practice and a lot of pre drafting she was spinning like a pro!

there is a first time for everything

I LOVE MY WHEEL! *ahem* now that that's out of the way....Yesterday after 4 o'clock, I was left to my own devices (another long child-free weekend for me, Woo-hoo!) and decided I would try to handpaint roving. I decided to use the food coloring/microwave method because it seemed the easiest and fastest. I decided to only dye 1 ounce of roving in case something went horribly wrong and it ended up looking like ass or felting in the microwave. There are tons of great tutorials for this, just ask my friend Google, so I won't go into all the details, but I will say this, I did not measure anything. I used the glug-glug method of adding vinegar to both the dye and the water I soaked the yarn in. Start to finish I think the entire dying process took 30 minutes. I spun the roving, wound it into a center pull skein, then plied from each end. All told it ended up being 50 yds. I am pleased with the results and I will be doing this again! Back in December, The Gaming One asked me to knit a lil something for one of his co-workers that was expecting. This morning she sent me pictures of her little cutie modeling the knits! AWWWWW! Isn't she so cute!? It's enough to make my ovaries hurt!
Just look at those little feet!

Even with all the spinning and dying I still managed to knit my fish for "a Fish a day in May" bringing my grand total to 33- only 69 to go! I also knit 4 more rows on Icarus...it is amazing how much free time a SAHM has when there are no little people to take care of!

Spinning and knitalongs and meme, Oh my!

My Kromski Prelude is finally here! I was shocked it only took 2 days to get to me considering the shipping was free. So if you are in the market for a new wheel, consider one from Copper Moose. I received emails from them from the time I placed my order, until it was on the truck to be delivered. I have lots of practice ahead of me, but I am in love. The Gaming One gets all the credit for this one- I never would have bought a spinning wheel for myself. He insisted and being the obedient wife I am (ha!) I picked the one I wanted. I love ya, Darlin' I can't thank you enough (You know you are the best ever)!

Next up knitting-wise is a KAL! As I mentioned before, Andrea and I are knitting the Lace Nightie together. There is a KAL posted on Craftster because I have too much going on to start a blog specifically for it. Here is the direct link to the KAL- Interweave Knits Lace Nightie KAL. Andrea even whipped up this button!
I have been tagged by both Andrea and Lara in the same day! So I am going to combine the meme in to one mega-meme...

Andrea's meme rules:
Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged write a blog post about their own 8 random things and post these rules. At the end of your blog you need to tag 8 people and post their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment and tell them they're tagged, and to read your blog.
Lara's meme rules:
Each person tagged gives 7 random facts about themselves. Those who are tagged need to write on their own blog those 7 facts as well as the rules of the game. You need to tag seven others and list their names on your blog. You have to leave those you plan on tagging a note in their comments so they know that they have been tagged and to read your blog.

1. As long as I have written directions I think I can do anything. This is sadly not always the case.
2. If someone tells me I am not capable of completing a task I will do it even if I hate it, just to prove them wrong. (Sorry darlin' this does not apply to laundry or housework.)
3. I love reality tv. The more unreal the better! Favs that make The Gaming One roll his eyes and cringe include The Flavor of Love and both spinoffs I Love NY, Charm School. More palatable favs are Top Model, Top Chef, and Project Runway. These shows just make my own life seem so tame and comfortable.
4. When I was younger I wanted 4 or 5 kids. I thought it would be great to have a big family! After all, there were 4 kids in my family and even though we did not always get along we loved eachother and it was always great to have someone on your side no matter what the situation. After I had my second child I declared the baby factory closed! I joke with my family that I will put myself in a mental institution if I get pregnant again. That or hide behind the tv, clutching a fifth of vodka, rocking back and forth.
5. I tell my family that I should write a childcare manual titled The Self-Centered Woman's Guide to Childrearing. I even joke that the entire reason I homeschool is because I prefer to sleep late and I could not do that if two little people had to be on the bus by 7am.
6. I can't stand it when people leave cabinets, drawers or closet doors open.
7. My favorite flowers are daisies, roses and gardenias.
8. The only piece of jewelry I wear on a regular basis is my white gold wedding band. I will wear diamond stud earrings if the Gaming One and I go on a date.

Tag:
Jen
Angela
Steph
Vicki
Melinda
Amysatx
Olga
Jocelyn

Happy Belated Mother's Day!

Yesterday, as we all know, was Mother's Day here in the US, and I had the pleasure of spending the day with my mom and my sisters. My sister closest to my age (we are actually stepsisters born 12 days apart- but 'step' is considered a four letter word when referring to siblings in our family) had her first baby within the past year so she finally joined the ranks of mama! This made Mother's Day a bit special since we can now all officially share the bond of motherhood. Oddly enough both of my own kiddos were with others this special day, but I truly feel every day is mother's day in my house. I am blessed beyond words to have the wonderful children I have. Last night while snuggling down with my 5 year old son he informed me (in these exact words) "Mommy, you are the best mommy in the history of histories of all mommies! You are the best Mommy all the way to Pluto and you know that Pluto is the farthest planet in the solar system." You can't get a better present than that!
After the kiddo was snuggled into his bed and The Gaming One had finished gaming for the night he looked at me and said, "you should buy yourself one of those spinning things to make yarn. Would you like one of those for Mother's Day? I would have bought one for you but I was afraid I would pick out the wrong kind."

I ask "Are you talking about a spinning wheel? They are kinda expensive." (I am such a Taurus and am most comfortable when the bank account has a bit of extra padding.)

He replied, "Well, if you want it, buy it. You are totally worth it." Notice he did not even ask how much they were...I love this man!

So today, after looking and thinking and questioning whether I thought I was worthy (I decided I was), I took the plunge an purchased a Kromski Prelude. I didn't want to spend too much on a hobby that I might not love as much as I do knitting, but really wanted a Saxony type wheel because I think they are beautiful, so the Prelude seemed like a good choice. I have to say I can't wait until it gets here! I am very excited!

Knitting not so new news:
I am still meeting my fish a day goal.
I have finished another square for the Psychedelic Squares blanket. I figure I will need 48 to finish a baby sized blanket. So perhaps June's goal will be a square a day for me.
I am half finished with the third chart on my Icarus shawl. Then one chart to go! Woo Hoo!
As soon as it is off my hot little needles I am casting on for this in cashmere. Andrea, My new found blogfriend, and I are planning a little KAL for this so if anyone wants to join us get ready and stay tuned!

Birthday Goodies part 2

I got the last of my birthday goodies in the mail yesterday! Here are two that I have been wanting for ages now- a ball winder and cashmere yarn. However, I now realize why ball winders are often sold with swifts... I made such a tangled mess of of my first skein of cashmere it took over two hours to untangle it all. The only thing that saved the cashmere tangle from being thrown in the trash was well, it's cashmere! and softer than any baby's bottom I ever felt (and it smells better). I did get a great deal from PlumKnit on the two 4 ply skeins (200yds each) and they even came with a 20% off coupon on my next order. Cynthia was very nice, the shipping was super quick and I will definitly buy from her again. I think this cashmere is destined to become something a little lacy meant to be worn next to the skin- a sexy little camisole more than likely. Perhaps another little something meant for publication.

I adore the pretty little yarn cakes the ball winder makes and I gave it another try on some KnitPicks Superwash wool that I bought for a baby blanket for my ex SIL ( I still love my ex's family like my own). It is so odd that both my best friend from high school and my ex SIL got pregnant at about the same time and are due within a month of eachother...That means there will be lots of baby knitting here as I have to knit for 3 very special babies. I picked out the Psychedelic Squares Afghan to make for ex SIL in shades of blue and green. I knocked out one square last night and love the results...I love the pictures across the web from Mason Dixon Knitting and even entertained the idea of buying the book, however I have found that the patterns I like the most can be found free on the web or figured out just by looking at a picture (such as the log cabin and Moderne blankets)...it must be great to get famous for publishing a book of patterns that have been around for ages...sorry, not to sound like sour grapes or anything...I am sure those ladies are very nice and the book must have something to offer (clever writing perhaps) to be so popular.

Rounding out the birthday goodies is 10 skeins of Knitpicks Ambrosia (80% alpaca, 20% cashmere) in color Mulled Wine. (sorry for the lack of link...I have already lost this post two times when I navigate to another page- IE just shuts down and my window closes- and I have not the time to type it all again.)

In A fish a day in May news: I am meeting my goal so far...7 days, 7 fish bringing my grand total to 25 fish!

I have also managed to knit 6 dishcloths for my dishcloth for every day of the week project. (Actually, I knit 7 but my sister took one home with her after helping me with the dishes one night while the family was visiting. She agrees they are the best for washing up!)

That is all for now, Have a great week!

Rusted Root and an interview meme of sorts...

Pattern: Rusted Root, size small
Yarn:Brown Sheep Cotton Fleece, 3 skeins (with most of the third skein left over) color:Harvest

Mods: I followed the pattern as written except I changed the waist shaping. I did 3 pairs of decreases 1 inch apart instead of the single decreases 3 rows apart. I also added 4 rows of ribbing to the bottom hem, I am considering taking out my BO edge and adding another 10 rows or so (I wear low rise jeans and prefer my tops to cover the waistband of my jeans and what might peek out when I sit).
My opinion: I really picked this top for the puffy sleeves, and alas, mine are not puffy, so I can't say I am 100% satisfied, but all in all this is a cute top and very wearable. The Cotton Fleece bled a lot while washing and I really do not see myself knitting with it again (I prefer KnitPicks Shine). While wool usually does not bother me, the cotton fleece is a bit itchy to me.

It was a very easy knit and a well written pattern (except for the waist shaping and the sleeves).

uberstrickenfrau interviewed me! Check out her interview!

1. What would your perfect day be like, (with no time restraints and money and places were no object.)
This perfect day would begin the night before, as I would make sure my kids were in the loving care of their Grandparents- so I would not worry about them all day nor would I be responsible for them.) I would start the day late (sleeping after noon is a luxury in itself) and have coffee delivered to my bedside. After coffee, I would have a massage on a shady beach. I would then spend hours in bed (revisiting the early days of our relationship) with The Gaming One complete with a pitcher of margaritas on the bedside table. I would then take a long hot bath while sushi was delivered. After sushi, The Gaming One would 'game' and I would sit outside and knit while a gentle breeze swayed the treetops. Just for giggles I would invite over some old friends and we would share a bag of shrooms (don't worry, I don't do this in real life, but it was fun a loooong time ago!) and watch the sunset. I am sure the rest of the evening would be very interesting.

2. What three people –dead or alive- would you like to have over for coffee& conversation and why?
First and foremost, my great grandmother Lela Brunson. She passed away when I was still a child and was partially deaf most of her life that I knew her. She was a very strong, independent woman. I blogged about her here. She was the craftiest person I have ever known and I would love just to have a chance to sit down and really talk to her about her life. I also would like her to know that her crafty gene had been passed along. If she had lived longer I am sure I would be a sewer instead of a knitter.
Second, Emily Dickinson. I just think she would be a cool woman to talk to.
Third, since I am a knitter- Stephanie Pearl-McPhee. She is amazing and funny to boot.

3. What knitting pattern or technique is the most intimidating and you’ve avoided doing it?
Hands down, Fair Isle. Something about stranded tension really makes me think that my knits would end up puckered and ugly. That being said I would love to knit Venezia, especially after seeing this one (scroll to middle of page) on Craftster.

4. What superpower ( flying, invisibility ,etc) would you like to have and why?
I would love to be invisible so I could spy on people. I am kinda nosy and love to see how people act when they think no one is watching.

5. What do you know to be true?
I know when all is said and done, telling the truth, no matter how painful at the moment, is always less painful than telling a lie.

Want to play? Here’s the scoop:
1. Leave me a comment saying ”Interview me” and give me your e-mail address so you can make it easier on me.
2. I will respond by e-mailing you five questions, I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Birthday goodies (part 1)

First of all I ordered A Gathering of Lace. It just arrived this morning so I have not had time to really do more than flip through it. Although I won't be knitting every pattern in this book there are quite a few that I am lusting after. It seems to be very informative and the pictures are beautiful! Those big balls are one pound of roving from The Sheep Shed Studio -the most awesome place ever to buy roving. It took less than a week to be shipped and came with some bonus black fiber. It is white wool (I have no idea what kind- I am still very new to this spinning thing) with a strip of mohair running through it. I gave it a test spin and it was a bit trickier to spin than the (unknown) fiber that came with my spindle as it was very slippery and had a staple length of more than 6 inches. It is so soft though and after I get the hang of it I am sure I will love it. So far I just want to pet it. After The Gaming One saw it he told me he hoped he also bought me a machine to spin it on, so there may also be a spinning wheel in my near future...

On the knitting front: I finally finished Rusted Root last night. Although The Gaming One really likes it, I am not thrilled. The puffy sleeves were my favorite aspect of the top, but I guess I must have wider shoulders than the model cause my sleeves, they have no poof. Pics to come after it is dry and finished blocking.

As for A Fish a Day in May, I am right on track! Three days down, three fish knit.

Have a great weekend y'all!

Onward and upward

now that I finally emailed my Magknits submission there is nothing to do but wait and wonder...
Now that the sent button has been pushed, I am left wondering if I made any mistakes, if it will all seem gibberish to the editor, if people will even like it when it comes out. But it is out of my hands and I must admit I am a bit relieved.

Edited to add: I just heard back from Kerrie and my design will be published in the July issue! Woo Hoo!

Speaking of Magknits...their new issue is up y'all should check out Andrea's design Diamond Girl! I am loving those sleeves! Congratulations Andrea and thanks for all your advice and support!

I have also set "A Fish a Day in May" goal with fellow blogger Knitty McPurlypants in the hopes that I will get closer to finishing the little fishes afghan.

I just have to BO and knit the sleeve and neckline of Rusted Root and I will have another FO to share with y'all!

ahhh sweet procrastination

(take two-- stupid blogger)

there is nothing like the thrill of waiting to the very last moment to finish a very important project. I have always been a huge procrastinator and am proving that I still am. I have yet to write my pattern for any size other than my own. I fear I have alot of math ahead of me. I am also suffering from a touch of stage fright type nervousness. I am confident all will be okay in the end and any mistakes can be easily fixed.

As for the cloche in my last post, the pattern can be found on Craftster on this page.

Thanks so much for all the birthday niceness. I feel much better today. The wine was delicious and many knitty related birthday presents have been ordered. More on those as they arrive.

Stirling Cloche

I have loved this cloche from the moment I saw it on Craftster ...Now I have my own. (I am too lazy to fill in the details now, but it is knit with 1 strand of the yarn I got from Lara and one strand of the Merino Style left over from Starsky held together. The flower is just the wool/silk.) I love this hat.

this year my birthday (29 today) has really bugged me...I just feel blah. I kept myself busy with mundane tasks as to not think about it...I know it is silly and it could be worse but that does not help me much...

this is helping a bit though! Cheers Ya'll!

I need some knitterly advice

So my very best friend (we shall call her S) that I have known for almost 20 years found out she is pregnant about a month ago. I know it happens every day right? no big deal, right? WRONG! First of all, my friend really did not think she could get pregnant. Second, my friend resolved that she would never have any children. Third, when she went for an ultrasound to see how far along she is she found out she is having twins! We know they will not be identical (they have separate sacs) but do not know their sexes. Y'all know I love knitting for babies so I can't wait to start on "operation twin knits." I called her yesterday to ask about colors and she said she would prefer baby colors for their baby blanket. She has a warped sense of humor and after I asked her if she would mind some cute knitted twinsy sweaters she said "hell yeah!" then commenced to tell me the 'names' has picked out....Darryl and Darryl and a few rhyming pairs that I can't remember...hopefully she kids, or we will just convince the dad to sign the birth certificates while she is not looking!

So my knitter friends..I have until November to knit up some twinsy goodness...I need some pattern suggestions- I want to make them each a blanket and a sweater maybe a little stuffie if I can get around to it. I prefer to work blankets in sections then stitch them together... I also want them to be the same pattern using a different color combo for each.

three down...

The Boy Wonder had a play date...they managed to get totally soaked while catching minnows, tadpoles and crawdads.

I managed to knit most of my third dishcloth!

Make washing fun!

Since the release of the Mason Dixon Knitting book, warshrags have been knit by almost everyone in the knitting community. I came across a remarkably similar pattern online and have already knit 2 of these babies. There just happened to be the same pattern printed on the inside of the ball band of the Peaches and Cream cotton I purchased. I plan to replace all my storebought wash cloths with hand knit rags for each day of the week! I knit mine somewhat smaller than the pattern called for by only casting on 33 stitches and knitting on size 5 needles. Not only do they make great cleaning cloths (the ridges in the back really pick up crumbs) but they also double as potholders for taking hot cookies out of the oven! The kiddos and I discovered today that sugar cookies are even better topped with chocolate icing!

AHHH...home at last!

We had a long, but great time at the beach...there were a few situations (which my mom would refer to as "too much togetherness") that made me want to jump off the roof, but all in all it was not too bad. I did manage to sunburn the tops of my feet bad enough that I could not wear shoes for the entire week and had to take Tylenol every four hours just to walk, but since I am a southern gal and more comfy barefoot than shod it was not too much of a sacrifice. I knit fish while the kiddos played in the water (cold, cold water!) and my total fish count is up to 18! I am no where near Knitty McPurlypants and her whopping 80+ fish, but she is inspiring!

I also made it to the end of the first long boring chart of my Icarus Shawl. The end is in sight, but I had yarn waiting on me when I got home and I immediately cast on for Rusted Root. I am using the recommended yarn, my color is 'Harvest'. I really think the yarn is a bit splitty, but it feels nice and knits up nice and even. I think Icarus will be on hold until I crank out this baby! I have loved it since the moment I saw it and can't wait to wear it! I managed to knit this much last night while watching Hero- a great movie, but reading subtitles and a knitting pattern at the same time means slow knitting for me.

Also waiting at home was a little swap package from Steph. I commented on a pretty cami she made that was too small for her and she offered to send it to me...we decided to do a little swap and not only did she send me the cami, but an awesome zippered pouch as well! No more knitting notions in ziploc baggies! yay! (Photo courtesy of the Boy Wonder) Thank you so much Steph, the cami fits great ( I have had it on all day!) and the pouch is just what I needed! I bow to your awesome sewing skills!

Here are a few of my favorite pics from our trip to Sunset Beach, in my opinion the best beach in NC. The beach is very clean and quiet and the sand stretches for miles...
Here are the kids at the Kindred Spirit mailbox on Bird Island...No, we neither went nude or saw the 'nuddies' as my MIL calls them. The kids and I walked to the end of the island for a picnic on The Girl Wonder's 11th birthday. We left our mark in one of the notebooks within. We had a great time together enjoying nature- both of the kids found sand dollars, sea snails and
this little crab
Here is their little cousin swimming on the beach

and the Boy Wonder saluting the flag on the USS North Carolina
(I have no idea what Blogger has done to my photos to make them look so fuzzy. Any ideas?)

FO!

but I am afraid it must remain a mystery until June... I finally finished my submission to Magknits which I have named "Lemonade". Well, the knitting portion of my submission...I still have to block and weave in many loose ends, but I am saving that tedious chore for the ride to the beach tomorrow. My son went last week with his grandparents (The Gaming One's M&P) and the Girl Wonder and I are leaving tomorrow to join them for the next week. It has been so quiet around here with just the older one here. She was at her Dad's house Friday, Saturday and Sunday so I had the entire quiet house to myself- a mama's dream, no kids and no husband for a few sweet days. The Girl Wonder has really spoiled me while she was here by letting me sleep late and making me coffee before she wakes me and generally being easy to please.

One thing I have noticed about myself where finishing knits are concerned- I suffer from a period of sadness after the knit is complete. I delayed this feeling with "Lemonade" by finding reasons not to finish it. I made a little crafty item for a swap I am doing with Steph but I will have to blog about that after she has received. I read blogs, surfed the web... I took over 6 hours to knit one row of the collar and bind off. As soon as I was finished, I found the long ago abandoned Icarus Shawl and started knitting away. I have about 10 more rows of the stockinette section before I can start the next chart. I am so ready to move on to a more challenging section. I will not subject you to another shrunken lace picture...lace is so pitiful before blocking.

The Girl Wonder and I took a walk yesterday and I came to an almost sickening conclusion- to passersby we do not look like mother and daughter... While this is great for my own ego, it scares the hell out of the Mama in me. She and I are the same height and weight, she has long blond hair and mine is dark brown. She is very mature for her age so she comes across as much older than she is. To make matters worse we live near a college campus and walk there often. Where there is a college campus there are dirty men yelling crude things out the window to the girls walking by. A carload of such dirty men passed us yesterday...after they slowed down the car to check us out and yell 'hey ladies' my blood started to boil. I turned to my daughter and said, "Sweetie, don't be surprised if you hear me yell "SHE IS ONLY 11 YOU PERVERT!" I told her I may even buy her a tee-shirt that says, "Quit staring. I'm 11" or "look at me again and BOTH my daddies will kick your ass". ack...I really am not ready for this...at least she is not interested in boys yet... God help the poor guy that checks her out within view of her dad or step-dad...that will be a very bad day indeed.

I don't know if I will be able to post during my time at the beach, but I will be back by next Friday!

fiddling with the template

As (I hope) ya'll can see I have been updating my blog and trying to get used to the new blogger. I asked The Girl Wonder to draw me something for my blog header and and the above image is what she came up with! It is so awesome to get a custom header for free! Thanks sweetie!

If anything looks strange please leave me a comment so I can try to correct it. Thanks much!

The past few days I have been working on afghan squares for a quilt for a friend of Lara (Yarn It) that is coping with the loss of a child. Please stop by Lara's blog and help out if you have a hour and a bit of yarn...

I have also dusted off the Lovely Lacy Shawl that has been in time out since September and resumed work on it. I was trying to knit this shawl without a chart and the line by line directions were killing me, so I broke down and bought the book it was published in. After taking a look at the charts I was dismayed that they were so small. I was pissed and shoved the entire thing into my closet. Thank the patron saint of knitting I carefully took note of the row and stitch I was on as I abandoned it mid row. Full of myself and my recent knitting successes, I decided to not let it get the best of me and took it out of seclusion. I think something happened it the closet because those charts do not look so impossibly small to read anymore. I must say the knitting is going a lot quicker with the charts and it is much easier to keep my place and spot my mistakes!

Look for me in Magknits!

That's right, the design I have been working on has been accepted to be published in Magknits most likely in June! Here is a peek of what is to come! I think I am having great luck with yellow. First there was Sunshine, now this. Thanks again for all the encouragment!

Too late for Knitty...

But since I am determined and ya'll have been so supportive I decided to submit to Magknits for consideration. Thanks Andrea for the idea, I don't know why I did not think of it myself. I will have to wait another week to see if they will publish it or not, so any details have to remain secret until then.... As for waiting to submit to Knitty, if I waited to submit to them until next time my design will no longer be relevant to their theme... my submission is really a summer knit and the next Knitty submission is a call for cool weather knits.

good news/bad news

First the good news (two parts!)
part one: The Gaming One bought me/us a new digital camera so my knitting pics are going to kick ass! (if I can figure out how to work the camera *wink*)
part two: The sixth attempt at set-in sleeve construction actually fit the armhole!

Now for the bad news:
After sewing in the sixth attempted set-in sleeve I realized that the armhole is just a bit too snug for comfortable wear. When I say just a bit I mean less than an inch. Since there is neither time, money or extra arm padding to justify liposuction, I had to take out the sleeve seaming, undo the shoulder seams and add some length to both the front and the back. After all that (you guessed it- I have to reknit the sleeve...again).

I refuse to let this get the best of me. Even though I will not be able to submit this to Knitty, I refuse to leave it unfinished. I really love this design (although I might be a bit biased) and think I will wear it often.

Last night I asked The Girl Wonder if she thought I should just abandon the entire thing since there is no way I can actually meet my goal. Her response, "Wouldn't it just be a big waste of time if you gave up now?" That's my girl! It is hard to believe she is only ten (although she will be 11 in just a few short weeks).

Y'all can look forward to some awesome pics tomorrow (camera batteries have to charge) of my attempted Knitty submission.

Thanks for all the encouragement over the past few weeks- it is true that knitters are the best folks on earth! Y'all really have kept me focused and helped me at my lowest times!

Poor neglected blog...

I am really in denial about not being able to finish my knit for my intended submission to Knitty. The deadline is the 15th and I still have most of one sleeve, all of another and the collar to knit. Oh yeah, not to mention I have to type the pattern, calculate for larger sizes and take pictures. I have knit the first sleeve a total of 6 times now, tweaking each time to achieve the look I envision. I always do my best work when I wait until the last minute (I guess I work best under pressure), but as always, I am kicking myself for wasting so much time...I blame the internet and all y'all out there that have such interesting knitting blogs! Since I have last updated my sidebar I have found 17 blogs that I have saved to my favorites that I read every day or so. I am hoping to do a big blog update sometime soon as my sidebar is in need of major update. So if you happen to stop by my blog and would like me to stop by yours leave me a comment and I will be more than happy to add you to my list! I love all the new techniques and projects that I seem to come across on your blogs-not to mention the glimpse into your personal lives.

speaking of personal lives, I have decided that I do not want to cloud this blog with bitching and complaining arising from everyday life, so I have started a blog for all that. Check out Amanda had a bad day whenever you think you have it bad...

Support our troops!

If you have the time check out this great Craft auction to benefit our injured troops.

knit wear design...what your mama didn't tell ya

1. Calculating the circumference of an armscye to knit a sleeve cap to match requires much math...that I last attempted well over 10 years ago.

2. Attempting to design a sweater knit on size 3 needles with yarn that was previously used in another sweater knit on size 8 needles will result in a new sweater that is missing a sleeve and a collar.

3. Attempting to knit a sweater within 3 weeks with cotton yarn on size 3 needles results in shooting pains in the hands and wrists.

4. If you get the crazy idea that you would like to be a knitwear designer (but have no experience) and would like to submit a pattern to be published you should give yourself more than 6 weeks- especially if by 'you' I mean 'me' and I do.

I am learning a lot throughout this process, although I hit a major bump in the road when I realized today that there was no way in hell I would have enough yarn to finish this as imagined. I am going to see what I can do to change my design without re knitting the body of the garment. I guess this is the one thing that sucks about designing...how in the world do they (knitwear designers) figure out yardage needed? This is probably something learned in Design 101 but I am clueless.

speaking of supportive parents....

I went to see my folks (Mom and Step-dad) today and my Mom pulls me aside and puts $100 dollars in my hand and tells me, "I don't want money to be ever be the reason you do not develop your knitting talent." To which I respond by bursting into tears... Mom then tells me, "I didn't get you a card for just this reason! I didn't mean to make you cry!" Then my favorite BIL responds "You know, you have been emotional for weeks now, that happened to my brother when we were kids and he had parasites." Now I am convinced I have worms...

Secret Knitting

my post may be few and far between for the next couple of weeks. After much encouragement from my family I am trying my hand at submitting a pattern to Knitty. I would love to show y'all what I am working on as I am very excited about it, but will have to wait until it is either accepted or denied. It may lead to nowhere, but you never know-and I refuse to put myself in a situation where I can look back and regret not trying. I feel it is the next step in my knitting journey.
My step-dad is perhaps the most supportive of my knitting than anyone. He always gives me such wonderful complements on my knits, and brags to everyone that is in earshot "You know my daughter knit that herself! She is so talented!" and after seeing my Sunshine sweater he put his arm around me and looked me in the eye and said "If you keep this up, we are going to have a famous designer in the family." I don't know if he knows how motivating his comments are or how much they really mean to me. I am so fortunate to have someone in my life that is so supportive and motivating. So if only for myself and my step-dad I am going to give this a shot.

Yarny goodness, and a prize.

Sometime last week, the lovely and talented Lara was kindly liberating some of her stash for the cost of shipping! I was so happy to see this on her list because it is just georgous! The yarn is Himalayan Yarn Co. 60% wool and 40% silk. Two full hanks with 175 yds per hank and one is wound in a ball. Go check out the rest of her stash up for grabs.

I am planning to use this lovely yarn to knit the pattern I won in the Craftster knitting challenge. Jen over at Pieknits.com offered the pick of her patterns and I happily accepted Aileen as my prize. I hope to have enough yarn to knit it, as Aileen calls for about 400yds, but I am planning to buy a handle for it instead of knitting one...so we shall see!

Sunshine!

Sunshine won the first knitting challenge over on Craftster. Yes, I am very excited! Thanks to all y'all that voted! So in the spirit of sharing that is craftster here is the pattern for my entry. Although it is only written for one size, it is basically a top down raglan, with a lace panel on the sleeve, and picked up neckline and collar. With a few changes it can be knit to fit your measurements. There are notes in the pattern as to when to alter measurements. Both the body and the sleeves are knit in the round so there is only one seam to sew. Please leave me a comment if you are having trouble. Just send me an email and I will be glad to help you figure out how to make it based on your measurements (amandawynkoop at hotmail dot com). If you decide to knit this please let me know! I would love to see different versions of it!
Pictures are here.

size:
small (34" bust)
approximate finished body length:
24"
gauge:
5 stitches and 7 rows per inch - stockinette stitch on size 6 needle
materials:

• 3 skeins Caron Simply Soft, 100% Acrylic worsted weight yarn; 330 yards per 6 oz skein.
• US size 5 29-inch circular needle
• US size 5 double point needles-(I had to go down a needle size to get gauge on sleeves-sz 6 may work for you!)
• US size 6 29-inch circular needle
• US size 10.5 circular needle (this is for picking up stitches along either side of the neck, so straight needles can be used if you like-I just prefer circs.)
• Tapestry Needle
• 4 stitch markers of one color(A), 4 stitch markers of another color(B)
• 4 buttons (7/8" size)
• needle and thread

Garter Stitch Lace Pattern:
(when working flat)
Row 1-6: Knit across
Row 7 & 9: *YO, K2tog*
Row 8 & 10: *YO, P2tog*
Repeat these 10 rows for pattern.

(when working in the round)
Row 1 & 3 & 5: Knit across
Row 2 & 4 & 6: Purl across
Row 7 & 9: *YO, K2tog*
Row 8 & 10: *K2tog, YO*
Repeat these 10 rows for pattern.

BODY:
Using the long tail method, and size 6 needles, cast on 48 stitches. (Cast on more stitches if you are making a larger size.)
Purl first row placing markers (SM = sleeve markers, LM = lace inset markers) as follows:
p2, SM, p1, LM, p6, LM, p1, SM, p28, SM, p1, LM, p6, LM, p1, SM, p2.

(Make sure to read ahead so you catch all the "at the same time" instructions.)

Working back and forth in stockinette stitch (k the RS rows, p the WS rows) on each RS row, increase (kfb) in the first and last stitch on the needle, 2 times.
At the same time, on each RS row, increase (kfb) before and after each SM until raglan increase seam (measured on diagonal from shoulder to underarm) measures 10 inches.
At the same time, work the Garter Stitch Lace pattern over the 6 stitches between the LM. Make sure to work the "when working flat" portion of the lace pattern.

When raglan increase seam measures 10 inches (add 1/4 inch for each size up), divide the body from the sleeve stitches as follows: (RS row) knit across left front to first sleeve marker. Slip SM. Place sleeve stitches on scrap yarn slip the LMs as you come to them. Make a note of where you are in the Garter Lace Pattern. Remove second SM. Knit across back to next sleeve marker. Slip SM. Place sleeve stitches on scrap yarn and slip the LMs as you come to them. Remove last SM. Continue knitting to end. The SM now seperate the back from the front of the body of the sweater and will be used for waist shaping later.

Continue working body back and forth in stockinette stitch until neck to back measures 11.5 inches (this is the depth of the neckline- ideally you want this to fall below your bustline).

At the end of the next RS row, cast on 20 stitches. (If you are making a larger size cast on enough stitches so you have the same number of stitches for the front of your sweater as you do for the back.) Join to work the rest of the body in the round until work measures 19.5 inches.
At the same time, begin waist shaping when body from neck to back measures 12 inches (if you are making a different size add 1/4 inch for each larger size before beginning waist shaping) .

Waist Shaping:
Decrease: *Work to 3 stitches before next marker, SSK, k1, slip marker, k1, K2tog.* Repeat from * to * for other side. Work 1 inch.

Repeat waist shaping decrease with 1 inch of stockinette stitch in between three times.

Increase: *Work to 2 stitches before next marker, Kfb, k1, slip marker, k1, Kfb.* Repeat from * to * for other side. Work 1 inch.

Repeat waist shaping increase with 1 inch of stockinette stitch in between two times.

When work measures 19.5 inches (2.5 inches below your natural waist if you are making your own- waist shaping should be completed- switch to size 5 circs and work 2x2 ribbing for 4 inches. You may have to increase or decrease to adjust stitch count to be divisible by 4.

BO loosely. I used Elizabeth Zimmermann's sewn bind off. (This involves the use of a tapestry needle with an extremely long tail of the yarn. It produces an extremely stretchy edge and is excellent for the top of socks. Using this long tail, pull the needle through two front loops as if to purl, then back through the first stitch as if to knit. Drop the first stitch off. Repeat to the end.) If you need a visual Knitty has a great tutorial, scroll down to the bottom of the page to see it.

SLEEVES:
Place sleeve stitches on size US 5 DPN's ( I used sz. 5 to make up for the difference in my gauge- you may find that you need to stitck with size 6 dpn.- Feel free to use your favorite method of knitting in the round). In the underarm gap, pick up and knit 2 stitches, PM, pick up and knit 2 stitches. (Pick up enough stitches to close gap in underarm and make it lay smooth). Knit sleeves in the round, continue working Garter Lace Pattern from where you left off. Remember to use the 'in the round' directions for working the Garter Lace Pattern.
At the same time, shape sleeves as follows:

Sleeve shaping:
Work sleeve decreases on the same round as Row 1 of the Garter Lace Pattern. (I began sleeve shaping 1.5 inches after joining sleeves to work in the round. You will want to work through the remaining rows of the Garter Stitch Lace pattern repeat that you left incomplete before switching to working in the round. Remember you want to decrease every time you come to row 1 of the Garter stitch lace.) Work to 3 stitches before marker, SSK, k1, slip marker, k1, K2tog. (Repeat sleeve decrease 8 times.)

Work sleeves until Garter Lace Insert is 22.5" inches from cast on edge. (If you are making a larger size or if you have long arms, work until sleeve -measured from underarm- is three inches shorter than your arm measurement.) Make sure you complete through row 10 of Garter Stitch Lace before beginning sleeve ribbing. You may need to adjust stitch count to be divisible by four to work 2x2 ribbing. Work 2x2 ribbing for4 inches. BO all stitches loosley. (Again I used Elizabeth Zimmermann's sewn bind off.) Repeat for other sleeve.

Neckline Shaping:
Try on sweater. On the right side of the neck opening, mark the row that crosses your collarbone. This will be the top of the asymetrical neck. Mark the same row on the left side of the neck opening. (Mine happened to be 9 rows down.)

(With right side of sweater facing you, drape sweater across lap with neck opening to your left, BO edge to your right.) Starting at the first row on the right side of the neck with size US 10.5 needles pick up 1 stitch on every other row until you reach your collarbone marker. Make sure the number of stitches you pick up is divisible by two. Write down this number. Knit one row. Working back and forth complete two repeats of the Garter Stitch Lace pattern. Knit three rows. BO. (If you are making a larger size you may need to work more rows of the garter stitch lace. Just make sure your panels will overlap to button.)

(With right side of sweater facing you, drape sweater across lap with neck opening to your right, BO edge to your left.) Starting at the collarbone marker, pick up the same number of stitches as on the right side. Knit 6 rows. BO.

Carefully sew edges of collar pieces to neckline as follows: Overlap the last garter stitch row and BO row of each side of collar with the garter stitch lace panel on top. Pin together. Evenly pin the edge of the collar to the bottom of the neckline. Sew the edge of the collar to the bottom of the neckline making sure to sew the garter stitch lace panel on top of the garter stitch band.

Evenly space the buttons down the middle of the garter stitch band using the holes left by the YO's in the garter stitch lace as button holes. Sew on buttons.

Ribbed collar:
With size 5 needles, starting on the 6th row of the edge of the garter stitch lace panel, to the edge of the button band, evenly pick up 78 stitches (if you are knitting a larger size pick up more stitches divisible by 4 +2 ).
row 1:*P2, K2*
row 2:*K2, P2*
repeat these two rows for 4.5 inches. BO all stitches.

Weave in all loose ends. Toss in the washer and dryer. (Please make sure your fiber is washable if you used a different one than I did.) Wear and feel fabulous!

Calorimetry

Calorimetry was the perfect project to use the very first yarn I ever spun (grey) combined with a small skein of handspun (yellow) that The Girl Wonder bought for me on a trip to Charleston, SC with her Dad. As many have before me, I cast on fewer stitches- between 70 and 80 ( I cannot recall, as this was a little something to take my mind off this). I ended up stitching mine closed, so I would not have to sew on a button. I would rather seam a extra large man's sweater than sew on buttons.

I finally broke down and did the math to convert Twinkletoes into a wearable slipper for The Girl Wonder. I used the Universal sock pattern as a starting point, and used the original pattern as a guide. I should have them finished by the time The Girl Wonder returns from her Dad's house on Monday. I would model the first complete one, but my little 10 yo girl has bigger feet than I do...

I will blog in more depth about Sunshine (my entry in the 'One stitch to Rule them All' Craftster Challenge) in the days to come.

the power of knitbloggers

I have seen the great things y'all can do when you band together...and I need a little of that love right now. I am not asking for yarn, knitted things or money- right now my family and I just need your thoughts and prayers. My paternal Grandfather has had health problems for years. (Out of respect for his privacy I am not going to go into his medical history.) During the past few weeks he has gotten much worse and I am afraid he is losing his will to fight. He has requested a DNR order. He feels as if he is nothing but a burden to my Grandmother - his wife of more than 50 years. My heart is breaking for my Grandmother. She told me today that she really thinks this will be his last year with us. I really need to go see him, but cannot even think about him without bursting into tears. I do not know how I am going to face him without upsetting him because I know I will be a wreck. While I realize the death is a normal part of life I am having a hard time letting go- for my own selfish reasons. I want his suffering to end but cannot imagine this world without him. He was always such a strong man. It hurts so deeply to see this shell of a man he has been reduced to... to see the shame in his eyes for what he has become. He was and is a good man- full of love and kindness for his family and neighbors. Although he never was one to gush about his family or feelings, anyone could interpret his feelings simply by looking into his eyes. Some of my earliest childhood memories are following him in his vegetable garden picking beans, tomatoes, melons and cukes. I remember sitting on his knee while he cracked pecans from the trees that shaded his house each hot summer. I know I will never see a tomato on the vine or a freshly tilled garden without thinking of him.

Y'all I need strength. I feel like my Grandma and my Daddy and Brother are going to need someone to lean on through this. I feel this is my responsibility as the oldest granddaughter. So I am gonna need to lean on y'all a bit. I need some inner peace if I hope to calm the waves of emotion I am sure to encounter in the coming weeks. I know I am not the first person to have to go through this-but it is a first for me...and I am hurting.

I've been tagged...

By Lara of Yarn It to tell 5 secrets about myself. The rules are

• Get tagged
• List five things that have not been revealed on my blog
• Tag five other people

Ok...since the 100 things about me meme, five secrets are really hard... I think my real secrets may be a bit more than ya'll really want to know (also a bit more than I want on the web) but here ya go, some not too secret, secrets...

1. I have always wanted a tattoo but could not think of anything I would want forever. Currently I want this on my side.

2. I support this.

3. I am considering breast augmentation.

4. I am deathly afraid of the dentist.

5. I want to win this. So kindly go vote for my Sunshine!

That is all, and tag to anyone that has not already been tagged, just leave me a comment so I can read your secrets, too!